Mayor seeks new G zoning designation

Mayor Travis Mitchell announced today that he will be seeking a new G zoning designation so that ghettos will be able to locate in Kyle.

"Kyle is growing rapidly," Mitchell said. "We are becoming a major city, but unlike most great major cities we don’t have any ghetto areas. I am convinced this new zoning designation will help us become a destination city for some of the great ghettos of America."

City Planner Howard Koontz said he was open to the idea, although he admitted when he first learned of Mitchell’s plans he thought the mayor was referring to grottos, not ghettos.

Mitchell said the G zoning areas should be located in the areas of the city already known for their density.

"Smart growth says you add density where density already exists," Mitchell said. "Because the area along Cromwell Drive is likely to become a high density ghetto anyway, that would be a good area for our first G zoning designation."

Council member Daphne Tenorio said she adamantly opposed the idea.

"Hey, I’m against anything the mayor is for," she said. "But we must remember we are a rural community and should work like hell to remain a rural community. Therefore I’m countering the mayor’s proposal by seeking a new zoning designation of my own — T for tenant farms. We need far more tenant farmers in Kyle to maintain our rural identity."

Koontz said he was open to the idea, although he admitted when he first learned of Tenorio’s plans he wondered how many people, other than campers, would like to live on tent farms.

City Manager Scott Sellers said he was leaning in yet another direction.

"I think we should develop an M zoning where we can locate businesses dedicated to fostering higher mathematics," Seller said. "If we could accomplish that, the next step would be to have Kyle designated as the Pi Capital of Texas."

Koontz said he was open to the idea, although he admitted when he first learned of Sellers’ plan he thought the city manager was referring to fraternities.

All three proposals brought a swift reaction from the White House.

"All those people in @Kyle should be fired," President Trump tweeted. "I never touched that woman."